So. I am pregnant. According to the ultrasound the baby has a death skull with a strange nose bone. Kind of like the picture above, actually. Aaaw, my own little Giger Monster.
Maybe it´s only fitting, since the Alien movie is the best metaphor to describe how I view pregnancy. If there ever was a recurring nightmare that has remained a constant throughout my life, this is definitely it. Think about it, a tiny little being residing inside of you, eating your food and changing your body. And then ripping it´s way out.
Surreal and sort of scary.
Being pregnant hasn´t changed my point of view. This thing has really taken over my body. For a while I could hardly move from being so dizzy and exhausted. It´s only in the past month that I feel like I´ve gotten some control back. Right now, it´s not that bad anymore but at some point this baby will want to get out.
I keep imagining that it will go down like this:
How messed up that will leave me is anyone´s guess.
I can´t find any reliable statistics on birth related injuries in Sweden, since there is no grand scale follow up on women who have given birth. Therefore I´m left to choose between horror stories on the internet and chirpy messages from a care system that doesn´t want to scare women with too many facts. Neither is likely to give a representative picture of reality at all.
Don´t misunderstand me, I do want this baby. If anything proves that, it’s my willingness to spend nine months reenacting the Alien movies. But if someone invented an automatic uterus or if my husband could carry it instead I would be thrilled.
I suppose that I have something in common with the alien parents – We are both into outsourcing.